1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see your husband along the way, cover up
any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror
- make mental note - must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,
leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage
shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint
conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut
and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make
sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini
area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the
toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off the shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a
small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second
towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit,
tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown
and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up
any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to
spend and hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the
bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your
wife along the way, shake wiener at her making
the "woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and
suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and
scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth.(you don't use one)
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just
rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates
and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the
soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself
in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice
water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out
of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire
wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your
waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel,
shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to
get dressed.