Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding
out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas
with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I
scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model
in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a
big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than
to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns
will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing
the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country
by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll
be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of
blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least
send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your
closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will some how
receive a nickel from some "omniscient being." I don't fucking care. Show a
little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by
sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish. :) Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096
people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown
off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter
isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!Here's how
it goes: *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people
will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send
this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. Send this
to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them
a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents,
and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time
you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless
Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and
this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5
people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send
this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely
incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks
with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people
in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey,some
people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to
eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit,
and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly
as a hat full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night
while you cry about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you
when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees,
then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet,
vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...
no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters
because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless
or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send
it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper
in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27
years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if
you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to look
at me naked!