A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in
the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he
finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm
getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every
way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let
it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he
took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage,
and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on
the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to
reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them,
and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before.
"He tore off his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the CRATE!"