So you want to be in the military now?!?! We know current affairs of our
great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join my military.
Even though they are well-intended and they may very possibly make it into
the service, there are some things we need to clear up and get straight
first before we even consider:
1) Next time you see someone (an adult) talking during the playing/singing
of the National Anthem.....kick their ass.
2) When you witness firsthand someone burning my American Flag in
protest...kick their ass. If you see this on television, as many of us have,
you are simply required to have a deep burning suddenly arise inside of
you....then go and kick their ass. Our Fore-Fathers didn't intend freedom
of speech to be the "get out of jail free" card for an act of a traitor.
3) Regardless of the rank they maintained while they served, pay the
highest amount of respect to all Veterans. If you see anyone doing
otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought
for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the
many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great.
Then hold them down while the Veteran kicks their ass.
4) If you are not in the military, DO NOT pretend that you are. Wearing
battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special
Forces" and collecting GI Joe memorabilia might have been okay
if you were still seven. Now it will only get your ass kicked. (Veterans
are exempt from this rule)
5) If you witness someone calling an enlisted Marine "Sir", stand
back.....a Marine will kick their ass.
6) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them "Do you
fly a jet?". You are ignorant if you ask this. A Marine will be called to
kick your ass. (children are exempt)
7) Roseanne Bar's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper....it
was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh and sooner or later, your ass will be
kicked.
8) Next time Old Glory prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet
and pay homage to her and the military member or Veteran lucky enough to
carry her. Your stupid funnel cake will forgive you if you stand for 5
seconds with your hand over your heart. You might as well be throwing the
funnel cake at the flag if you don't stand.....of course, either will earn
you a severe ass kicking.
9) Don't try to discuss politics to a military member. We might vote as
separate parties, but that doesn't mean we don't all bleed the same. We
are, simply put, Americans. Our military Chain of Command, to include our
Commander in Chief...the President... (for those who didn't know) is all
that we acknowledge. We have no inside track on what happens inside those
big important buildings where all those "representatives" meet. The military
member might direct you to Oliver North. I can see him kicking your ass already.
10) "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me....stop saying
it! If she did, she would most likely kick you in the ass with them!
11) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists. So stop saying, "Let's
go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls
are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me, if you see anyone
calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know. So I can kick their ass.
12) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of my military,
support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas that you
enjoy with family and friends, there are thousands of troops overseas longing for
just a taste of homemade pumpkin pie or fresh egg-nog and turkey. Wanting for
just one hug on a Christmas morning from a loved one.
Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they are making every day. Without
them, our country would get its ass kicked.